|
Before you give credence to scrapping performance appraisals read this parable. Here's a little parable about the process of listening to advice from people who won't listen to you, or understand your needs. It is fiction.
Once upon a time I was standing outside a local car dealership, admiring my new fire-engine red vehicle that I had just purchased. As I stood there, a gentleman approached me and identified himself as a driving consultant. Cheery and well presented, we started talking.
Consultant: "You know, this driving thing....I'm thinking that I can save you at least $4,192 a year on your driving, and since I'm not working much these days, I'd be glad to sit down with you so I can share the secret."
Me: "Well, you know I just spent a bundle here, and the truth is I'm always looking to save money, so what the heck. I mean you ARE a driving consultant.
Consultant: "Yes, indeedee. Let's go have coffee."
When we arrived at the coffee shop he explained it all to me.
Consultant: Well, here's the deal. If you stop driving the car you just bought you can save $4,191 a year. Here's how it breaks down. First, your insurance costs you what? About $2,000 a year, right? And gas, about $2,000 a year, plus oil changes and other ancillary expenses. So if you stop driving you'll save $4,192.
Me: "So, just by not driving, I'll save that?"
Consultant: "Yes, indeedee."
Now, I'm thinking what a good deal. Not only does the consultant have a strategy to save money, but somehow he knows exactly what I pay for everything. So, I decide that the best thing to do is scrap driving all together, except for maybe the odd low cost-consuming trip. And this is what happened.
On Monday I realized that I had to figure out a way to get to work from my location outside the city, about 30 miles. I don't know why the consultant didn't mention this to me, but I had to take the day off to investigate alternate means to get into my workplace. I got docked a day's pay. Turns out that a bus runs every hour, and it only cost $8.00 one way. So, on Tuesday, I got up at 5a.m. because that's what I needed to do to make sure I was at work on time. I was a bit disappointed because before, driving in with my car, I only had to get up at 7:30 a.m..
Well, the bus was late, anyway, so I got into work late, but stuff happens.
On Wednesday, I called my driving consultant who had advised me to scrap driving. "Hey, you didn't tell me that it would cost money to NOT drive in every day, I said. "And you didn't tell me about the risks of being late". The consultant replied: "Well, you didn't tell me you had to go into work, you know, so it's hardly my fault. Besides, it's no big deal".
On Thursday, my two sons came to me ready to be driven to their hockey game. Hmmm...hadn't thought of that. So I called my driving consultant for advice. "No problemo" he said. "In order to save the $4,192 a year you have to make some sacrifices, so you're going to have to scrap the hockey, too. No problemo, they'll understand, and consider how much money you'll save on ice fees, eh, huh? Man, the saving are just rolling in for you."
Four months later, I took my car out to the grocery, a trip I allowed myself since it was short. As I was driving I heard a horrible noise from my car, so I took it to the dealership. When I got there, the mechanic asked me for the information on the oil changes I had been doing. I shrugged and said "Well, I'm doing this scrapping driving thing, and my consultant said that I could reduce the costs of having a car if I didn't drive, and he mentioned oil changes as a cost of having the car. So, I don't do them" The dealer looked at me and said: "Son, you just invalidated your warrantee, so the $1,800 job on your engine is going to cost you. But, son, you did save the $19.95, for the change, but in future, remember that you need to change your oil every 3,000 miles OR every three months."
Well, this wasn't working out so well. A week later, my mother phoned me complaining of chest pains, so I needed to figure out what to do. Ok. Hospital. No question. But wait. I'm not supposed to drive, because I'll lose all those savings the consultant told me about. I called the consultant and he said: "Well, you scrapped driving, so if you vary from the program here, I can't guarantee you'll save that $4,192. Why not take the bus to the hospital?"
Shaking my head I decided not to risk driving, and not to take the bus to the hospital for obvious reasons, and called an ambulance service. They charged me $512 for the trip, but the good news was that my mother had just had too many hot italian sausages.
Now, I'm mad. Because I think I got conned. First, while I saved the gas costs, I was still paying the insurance, the oil changes and so on (having learned my lesson), but I was already in the hole. So, I figured that by not driving, I DID save about $2,000 a year. But what did it cost me to save the money? Well, I calculated the $80 a week bus fares, the cost of the repairs resulting from saving on oil changes, the day's pay I lost and the ambulance fee, and gosh darned but I was severely in the hole. I mean severely. My kids couldn't play hockey, and now both were close to obese, and my wife left me, because she got tired pulling the groceries home on a sled and now there's alimony.
So, I got in touch with the driving consultant. "What gives", I said. He replied: "Well, that $4,192 dollars is an average savings, and no, I didn't count the money you would have to spend to SAVE that money, and come to think of it, I didn't tell you you wouldn't save the insurance money, and I didn't tell you you still needed to do the oil changes, but let's be fair here. You COULD have saved the $4,192. In fact you did.
I replied: "No, I didn't". I opened my wallet which was empty and said, "Look, your cost savings are bankrupting me. If I saved that money, then where the F*** is it? It's not in my wallet."
The consultant replied: "Well, it's accounting money. Most people don't understand accounting money but rest assured you did save $4,192."
This discussion went on and I explained how I now had no time at all to relax because I had to get up earlier and a number of other things. For every question or comment I made, he repeated "Well you DID save the $4,192 in accounting money". Eight times he said this.
I finally asked him: "Do you really get paid for giving this advice that costs people all this money so they can save money?"
He said: "Well, in a manner of speaking."
Anyway the upshot was that I tried to save money by scrapping driving and the more I saved, the poorer I got. So, about 18 months after I had bought the car, I went over the the consultant's home (amazed it was one rung up from a slum), and demanded an explanation. Here's what he said, after he realized I might cook him on his hotplate.
"Ok. I didn't lie. You did save a lot of money. But perhaps I should have told you that to REALLY save the $4,192, you have to scrap your car".
I thought for a moment, considered the penalties for cooking a consultant on the hot plate, and realized he was right. I couldn't afford to save money anymore, and I couldn't afford the car, and I thought what poetic justice to pass the car on to someone who helped put me in this position. So, that day, I signed over the car to the consultant.
I said to him: "I can't afford it anymore. I'd like you to have the opportunity to save money just like you've helped me. Here are the keys."
He replied: "Well, thank you. I've been needing a car for a while and I'm going to drive the crap out of this thing. Us consultants have places to go and people to see you know."
As I was leaving, he turned to me and said:
"Oh, by the way, remember you asked me whether I got paid for my advice and I said, 'in a manner of speaking'? Well, now you know what I meant." Then he picked up a suitcase he had by the wall, climbed into his shiny fire-engine red car, and drove off. I think I heard him mutter "Oh boy...California here I come". I can't be sure, but I think of saw the back of my ex-wife's head in the car.
Now, I don't mind getting bamboozled and I suppose it's my own fault, I should have known better. But the positive side is I've made a career change. You can find me outside the car dealership (when I'm not at home in my up one rung from a slum apartment). Now I help others save money just like my driving consultant did. Because, now, I'm a driving consultant too!
|
Performance Management & Appraisal 
