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Principles Of Defusing Hostility
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Written by Robert Bacal
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It would be naive to think that we can eliminate all unnecessary, destructive conflict. Regardless of what you do personally, or what the team does together, there are going to be instances where conflict occurs, and one person chooses to be hostile, aggressive, personal, destructive and irresponsible. Learn how to defuse the situation when that other person goes beyond pushing, starts to verbally shove and uses confrontation-provoking language. A Few Principles of Defusing Hostility
- Deal with person's feelings first - Any angry person needs to have the issue AND their feelngs addressed in order to start interacting constructively. The angrier the person, the more important it is to acknowledge their anger through the use of empathy statements and listening responses FIRST, before moving onto the issue.
- Be assertive, not manipulative, passive or aggressive - You have a right to take action, or impose consequences in situations where someone has stepped over the line in their comments or behaviours. In fact, if you don't speak up for yourself in these situations bully-type people will perceive you as an acceptable victim for their poor behaviour. When using assertive type statements or setting up consequences, do not dwell on the way the person is communicating any more than necessary. Make your statement, then refocus the conversation back to the issue.
- If you lose control, you lose, period! - Manipulative nasty behaviour is designed to affect you emotionally so that you will become aggressive or defensive. When we lose our cool and defend ourselves or become aggressive we actually end up doing what the other nasty person wants us to do...and we lose because we enter into an ugly game where nobody can win. Self-control is critical, and that has a particular meaning. It means that we control our behaviour. You are entitled to be angry or upset if you choose but you can learn to control your behaviour and the way you express that anger or upset so something good comes from it.
- Don't take the bait - This is the most important principle. The term verbal bait refers to the many confrontation provoking behaviours that have a single purpose; to control and manipulate you into responding in emotional ways. When you take the bait, the "fisherperson" basically reels you in......worse, you have given up control of the conversation to someone who probably doesn't have your best interests at heart.
This is an excerpt from Conflict Prevention In The Workplace. For more detailed help on workplace conflict, click here.
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Conflict Management 
