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The language we use can make us appear confrontational or cooperative. Discover the different messages that each language type can send to the customer. Confrontational language sends the following messages:
- you are absolutely certain you are right
- you are unwilling to consider the other person's position
- challenges the other person to back up what they say
- has a harsh, confrontational tone
- the other person has no choices
- tends to blame the customer
- doesn't leave the customer an out
When you use confrontational language you will tend to encourage the customer to also use confrontational language. This generally causes the situation to escalate, as each of you increases the force and energy used in the conversation.
Cooperative language sends the following messages:
- you are willing to consider the other person's position
- you recognize you COULD be wrong (but not likely)
- invites person to discuss rather than challenges
- has a milder, cooperative tone
- leaves room for choice
- tends to blame nobody
- helps customer save face
Using cooperative language helps the customer to realize that you are not the stereotypical bureaucrat, who never admits to beging wrong, and is uninterested and uncaring. The customer also realizes you are trying to work WITH them, on the same side, to help deal with the problem, or make the best of a bad situation. .... While we recommend that you use as much cooperative language as possible, there may be occasions where stronger and more challenging language is appropriate. The key is being able to assess the situation, and your customer.......The general rule is to stick with cooperative language until it is clear that stronger statements are needed.
This is an excerpt from the Defusing Hostile Customers Workbook. For more detailed help the usage of cooperative communication and on defusing customer hostility, click here.
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Customer Service 
